Your wedding is meant to be a joyous occasion – a day that reflects your love, commitment and promise to one another before your guests who bear witness to this union. Today, however, weddings have lost the majority of this meaning and intention and it has become more of a stress and an ‘event’ than a day of love and promise. The expectations, money, family, friends and the competing and impressing of others, has taken the emphasis away from what a wedding is meant to symbolise. Be mindful when preparing your wedding to remind yourself of the reason for this special day and what you want it to resemble. Staying grounded and true to yourselves is pivotal and the key to having the day you both dreamed of.
When you start plan your wedding it is important to have some idea of what you want – decide on a colour and a theme as a starting point and then organise everything else around this. When you have made your decision do not look around at other colours or themes. The reason being is that there is so much out there which can confuse you and raise doubt. Humans by nature like choice and the ability to have more options than just a choice between 2-3 things. Faced with all these options however, can be overwhelming and we tend to freeze. We freeze as we start to doubt ourselves, our choices and start with the ‘what if’s???’ What if it doesn’t work, what if nothing goes together, what if I regret it??? My advice here is to stay true to you and your fiancés taste and characters. Do not try to be someone else, or to try and prove a point or to compete with other brides. This is the fastest and surest way to having regrets on your wedding day.
Women in general are known to worry more than men and research indicates that anxiety in women is four times more common than in men. The anterior cingulate cortex which is part of the brain responsible for rational decision making is larger in females, and has been labelled as the “worrywart” centre of a woman’s brain. So yes, we kind of have some odds stacked against us but we still have the ability to exert some control of how we choose to perceive this stress and what we will allow to matter and to what extent. Wedding worry and stress is common for most and there may be extra stressors like family and friends that may contribute to the stress and hence the reason for when going about planning a wedding is to KNOW what you as a couple want.
During the planning of your wedding it is important that you look after yourself and your relationships before you become “Bridezilla”, because that is all you will be left with after the big day.
Here are 12 helpful hints and tips to keep you stress free and centred:
Once you have chosen a theme or colour, stick with it and stop looking around at other ideas, as this can cause confusion and more stress
Don’t second guess yourself. Often your first choice is the right one.
Get a final budget amount and stick to it
Engage in regular exercise to keep you from feeling overwhelmed
Have time out for yourselves from the wedding preparations – engage in other conversation and activities, especially as a couple
Don’t sweat the small stuff – be reassured that 9 out of 10 times something will go wrong. Delegate the wedding planner, bridesmaids/groomsmen or family member to deal with problems on the day and not to burden you with this unless absolutely necessary
Do what you want and not what others expect
Delegate the work load. Family and bridesmaids are there for that reason and despite what some may feel, they actually want to help and be more a part of your day. It’s important to perhaps consider both your own parents and in-laws here – what you would like each one to do. Feeling needed is a need we all have – so include them.
Have a wedding file, which includes contact numbers, lists of things to do, deadlines and any information you may need later
Talk about what you want with your fiancé, but also make sure that both of your needs and tastes are met. Discuss the issues and compromise – there are no winners in this situation! Yes, we do realise that more emphasis is placed on the bride and her needs, but you don’t want to be left with post wedding resentment between the two of you.
Let your wedding compliment you and not the Jones’s
Be firm with outside influence as your boundaries will at some point be tested
Remember that women and men, by their very natures, tend to react differently when stressed. Women, due to hormones such as oestrogen and oxytocin, tend to draw towards others and try get close to friends. Males on the other hand, due to testosterone, tend to withdraw from others and prefer being alone at these times and may want to do things that don’t involve you. This dynamic in itself may cause problems for the couple when planning there big day as the female may be annoyed by her fiancé’s seemingly lack of interest or involvement. It is important to stay connected to your partner and communicate about your needs and expectations of each other. People handle situations differently and can and possibly will react very differently from you, especially when stressed – so keep this in mind!!
Take this time to enjoy every moment leading up to your wedding day. This special moment can feel like it has taken ages to arrive, can be over in a second but would make you wish for a lifetime before tomorrow came again!